Tinder Date

“So uh, I met this girl on Tinder…”

The long-haired man stirred the pot. He took a sip of the purple-colored stew and smacked his lips. He smiled broadly. “And?”

The bearded man shook his head as he looked past the trees and towards the horizon. The sun was just about to set, and its green light bathed the world in an emerald radiance. He took a deep breath.

“Well, she’ll only be in town for the night, you know? It’s kind of suspicious to match up with her when she’s leaving in the morning.”

They heard a growl from the forest, but said nothing. They did, however, extinguish their lights, and kept only the fire on which the stew sat.

The long-haired man grabbed a little box from his pack, opened it, and dropped a dash of his secret spice in the stew. “Yeah, might be some psychotic chick with a lust for blood. Pass me the oregano, will you?”

The bearded man took up one of the cages they brought together and set it down careful on the ground. He drew his pistol, stepped back a few paces, and took out the remote control.

With a press of the button, the cage door flew open, and the oregano shot out, red spit dripping from its open mouth. Two well-placed shots, and it stopped moving. The bearded man picked the lifeless herb and handed it to his companion.

“Yeah… but she looks really hot. Like drop dead gorgeous.” He looked on as the long-haired man took out his knife to surgically remove the dead herb’s heart with precision. “Plus she’s really smart too. Knows different languages and shit.”

The other man stopped and shook his head. “All the more reason. Might be some crazy witch with a thing for sexual enchantments. Don’t make me remind you of that last one.” With a flick of his wrist, he threw the heart in the stew.

The bearded man shivered. “Yeah, don’t go there. Wasn’t even a good lay.”

There was a loud screech, and the cold air of twilight blew past them. The long-haired man took out two bowls and ladled the stew in each. He then handed one to his friend and leaned back.

“Well, if you do meet this chick, at least bring a shiv.” They both sat back with their bowls as they watched the night settled around them. “And ask if she has any sisters.”

The two men laugh as a choir of animal noises surrounded them. With a kick of the dirt, they killed the fire and enjoyed their meal companionably in the darkness.

For the PC boys.

First written March 10, 2018.

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