A Midnight Walk

He sat there in silence, looking at the empty pill bottle.

It was one of those nights again, nights of sleepless dread, of haunting imagery, of nagging unrest. It had been like this for him for a while, completely not of his own choosing and yet as a result of all his choices.

He sighed, threw the bottle into a nearby bin, and got up. Maybe a midnight walk would help clear his mind. It was certainly better than staying in bed, staring over old photos and looking for unmade memories. He took a deep breath, hastily got changed, and walked out the door, taking care to lock up carefully before he left.

On went his Bluetooth headphones. Familiar beats flooded his ears as he aimlessly picked a random direction and just started walking. The well-trodden streets of the morning looked foreign at this hour, and the quietude added a layer of peace he didn’t know the city had. It was a layer of peace he had not encountered for a long, long time.

With the lampposts as his guide, he followed his feet past the old buildings, the old trees, the old side streets. He passed the little Italian place where he would grab gelato on cheat days, the flower shop where he would buy flowers for one-week lovers, the bookshop where he would shop for books he would never get to read. They were all closed at this time of night, but he could see glimpses of his day life in them, a life he dreamed of having, a life he was currently living, a life he wished he didn’t have anymore.

He was jolted from his thoughts when he realized that his music stopped and he was standing still in front of a coffee shop. It was still open, but he could see the baristas moving to close the bar. His eyes wandered to the little corner so familiar to him, and he felt tears form in his eyes as he was reminded of her.

Slowly, he took out his phone to play her song. The first few notes of a lullaby came on, and he turned away, just as he turned away from a different tune, a different storyline, a different life he could have had – if he only chose her instead.

Gentle tears were falling from his face as he felt the first few raindrops fall from the sky. He smiled, remembering how much she loved rain. Slowly, quietly, regretfully, he walked back to the life he thought he dreamed of.

–
Image source: nythroughthelens.com/post/12666506148/soho-cobblestone-street-at-night-new-york-city
First written October 31, 2017. For nik.
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