A Deathly Curiosity

The old stairs rattled beneath my feet as I climbed up to the top floor. I opened the door hurriedly and was immediately greeted by a flood of sunlight. It was a beautiful day, a beautiful day as any to die.

I had long thought about this day. I was neck deep in debt, lost all my friends after I developed the problem of not saying no to my vices, and was a burden to my mother, who would cry as she prayed each night in hopes I would change. As much as I tried, I just couldn’t, and I was tired of disappointing everyone around me, especially myself. And so, I decided that it was time to go.

I squinted in the sunlight. I had already picked a good place to fall from the other day, but decided against it when a group of raucous teenagers appeared on the roof. Hopefully I wouldn’t have that problem today.

I walked to my chosen spot. From there, I would see the city skyline and say goodbye to the urban jungle that did nothing but beat me down with misery. “Good riddance,” we would tell each other, as the wind would resist against my efforts just before I would, in one sudden stop, fall to the ground and stop breathing forevermore.

That’s what I was planning to do anyway before I saw a young man with honey-colored skin hovering near the corner I picked out. Cursing the intruder’s presence, I was about to leave to try again another day when I saw him abruptly turn to me, smile, and stretch out his arms. Before I could say anything, he leaned back wordlessly, with nothing but open sky to catch him.

Without thinking, I ran to the ledge, grabbing a protruding light fixture on a nearby column with one hand and the young man’s shirt with the other. I could see the long drop below and hurriedly averted my gaze. Instead, I stared into his calm brown eyes. “Don’t do this, idiot,” I stammered, straining against his weight. “Don’t.”

His hair was flapping in the wind, his arms were still outstretched, and his body was held taut by my efforts to keep him from falling off the ledge. With that smile never leaving his face, he said, with a touch of an Indian accent in his voice, “I need to know what happens after I die. Let me go.”

My eyes bulged in their sockets. “You’re killing yourself because you’re fucking curious?”

He smiled wider. “Yes. So let go and let me satisfy my curiosity.”

I felt my arms tiring from holding on too tight, but I kept on trying to pull him up. “This is stupid. Even if you find out, there’s no way you can go back to this life, stupid. Your body will be broken, then buried or turned to ash or donated to science or whatever. Then you’ll just be dead. DEAD.” I felt my nails dig into my palm as I held on tighter to his shirt. “Even if you find out what happens, you won’t be back to tell people about it, you nitwit.”

His level gaze never wavered, nor did his smile. “Ah, but I don’t need to report my findings to anyone.” He leaned his head back to look up at the sky. “I just want to know.”

My muscles were burning, and I felt my grip on him slowly slipping. Just then, I felt a jerk as the fixture I was holding on to started giving way. I couldn’t keep holding on to both the boy and the light. I had to let go of something.

“Look, stop. Come on. Don’t you have family and friends you’re going to disappoint? What about good things you’re going to miss when you’re gone? Good food, good sex, good people, good highs, good times. There’s so much to live for and enjoy. Don’t throw it all away for something you’ll experience anyway at the right time.”

The fixture budged some more, and I pulled at him as much as I could. But he continued staring to the sky with arms outstretched.

“Let go,” he whispered. “I need to know. Let me find out.”

Suddenly, the fixture gave way, and I screamed as I felt the pull of gravity drag me to the ground below. I immediately let go of the young man’s shirt and grabbed on to the ledge. My arms felt so sore, but there was no way I was going to follow that Indian kid all the way down now.

Slowly, I hoisted myself up and laid on the ground face up, breathing heavily. Every muscle on my body was burning, but at least I was alive.

I stayed like that for a long time, feeling the sunshine burn its mark on me while watching the occasional cloud hover by. Soon, I started to cry, and I sobbed long and loudly.

After a good long while, I wiped my face, gingerly got up, and left that place, closing the exit door behind me.

–

For WhiteHole.

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Image source: deviantart.com/shane-morelock/art/On-Top-Of-The-World-290032902
First written February 1, 2018.
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